I taught a Young Women's lesson Sunday and it I shared with the girls an experience that happened on my mission with prayer.Just two months before my mission, my 16 year old brother, Bruce, was killed in a car accident. Leaving on my mission was very difficult. My family was still suffering so much. I even had a sister still in a full-body cast. I wanted to be with my family, but I didn't want to do something that would disappoint them, so I went.
It was very hard. I cried myself to sleep every night in the MTC, then continued to cry each night on my mission. I would quietly lie in bed with tears running down my cheeks, thinking of my brother and my family and literally aching with homesickness. I had lived a thousand miles away from my family for college, so the homesickness wasn't because I was a wimp, it was because of the horrible circumstances.
About six weeks after I arrived in Washington, we had a mission conference about an hour and a half from where we lived. As missionaries we had no music in the car and we were up and driving to the conference very early in the morning. I was driving with three other missionaries in the car. The rain was pouring down as it is prone to do in Washington. The other missionaries promptly fell asleep and I drove, enjoying the peace and quiet.
I've always loved the relationship Tevye has with God in Fiddler on the Roof. His easy conversations, as if they are good friends, are inspiring to me. As I drove, I began to visit with Heavenly Father, much like Tevye did. Of course, I didn't speak aloud, but I poured my heart out to Him as I drove. I told him of my sadness, my loneliness, my worries. I told him how much I wanted to succeed and be a good missionary, but what a hard time I was having missing my family and especially my brother. I visited with Heavenly Father for more than an hour, completely uninterrupted.
Shortly before we arrived at the conference, I realized I was feeling different than I'd been feeling since leaving my family. I was feeling peaceful, okay and even a little happy. I knew Heavenly Father loves me--I felt that love. I didn't feel lonely. I knew He was with me.
That was a turning point for me on my mission. I still experienced times when I'd be busy and then I'd think of my brother and would feel that the wind was being knocked out of me like it did that first day as I realized he really was gone. But then, I'd remember and feel Heavenly Father's love and I'd be okay.
What a blessing to know He really is our father and that He truly cares about our worries, sadness, troubles and fears. I am so grateful and hope I always remember that. We must pray often and stay close to Him. He really is there for us, and His hand is evident in our lives.
